College teaches you a lot of valuable lessons. Surviving in the real world is not one of them. At least, I don't think most colleges and universities mean to teach their students about the real world. The innovative students sort of end up teaching themselves. I think we should ask for a portion of our tuition in return, but that's just me. Tell me truly, though, how many of these lessons did you learn?
1. You Learn to Survive on Ramen and Slim Jims
College (probably) taught you nothing about budgeting, but you know how to feed yourself after you fail to budget.
2. In Fact, You Can Take Care of Yourself with No Money
In college, you got “paid,” what, three times a year? In the real world, sometimes you get paid every two weeks, sometimes, insanely, you get paid once a month, sometimes you get paid weekly. At some point, no matter what, you will blow through all of your paycheck way before you should. In college, you blew that extra aid cash on books, beer, and food. In the real world, it goes to rent, utilities, internet, and your data plan. In both worlds, you're stuck with gourmet ramen and Febrezing the bejeezus out of your clothes for a minute.
3. You Can Survive an All-nighter and Still Look Fabulous
Okay, as time marches on, that's less because of youthful vigor and more because of excellent concealer, but still. It's a lesson.
4. Plus, You Know How to Nap on the DL
No one will ever catch you napping at your desk … but you do it all the time. Your boss is no wiser than your philosophy professor.
5. You Can Get Ready and out the Door in Fifteen Minutes
Thanks to all-nights and 8 am classes, this is an art form. It is a practical lesson that will serve you well your whole life through.
6. You Know the Cheapest Brands of Booze
This is helpful to know in your 20s. According to Carrie Bradshaw, you're not responsible for buying the drinks until you're in your 40s, so it's still safe enough to go with the cheap stuff.
7. You Will Win Every Costume Party You Attend as an Adult
This is due to the sheer amount of themed parties you attended in college. You will never be at a loss for a costume and it will always be clever.
8. You Know How to BS Anything
Literally anything. Give you five minutes and access to Google, and you will always wow everyone listening to whatever you're supposed to be talking about. You'll forget your marvelous idea five minutes later, but whatever.
9. Especially in Writing
You'll look back fondly on all the paper writing you did in college. Those papers gave you the ability to ramble your way through any email, resume, or cover letter.
10. You Know What It's like to Be Drowning in Debt
Some people don't get to know how that feels until they're middle-aged. You know at 18! You're so advanced!
11. You Know How to Carry a Lazy Colleague
Why? Because of frigging group projects, that's why. Well … unless you were the lazy team member, I guess.
12. You Know How to Follow Attendance Policies
You know, so your grade doesn't get docked. Or your pay. Whatever. The point is, you know how to perfectly toe the line. It's a shame no boss will ever say to you, “Your attendance does not affect your paycheck.”
13. You Learn How to Scrape by
Not the greatest lesson, but a true one nonetheless. When you have to, you do know how to scrape by doing the least amount possible. Sad to say, this will come in handy at some point in your real world future.
14. You Know What It's like to Be Excited about Your First Day at a New Job …
It's exactly how you felt before your first day of college! Something new! So exciting! Gonna learn so much! Gonna make new friends! Gonna have the time of your life!
15. ...only to Find That Reality Does Not Match Expectation
Nope. It never does. It never, ever does.
16. You Know How to Suck up
Just like you once made “friends” with the snarkiest professor on campus, you know you can make your boss adore you. Surely, you'll be promoted to VIP within your first six months.