Falling out with your best friend is the last thing you want to happen. When you're so close to someone it seems inconceivable that you could ever have a serious argument with them. But sometimes things get out of hand and even the best of friends can have a major disagreement. Here's what to do if you experience falling out with your best friend …
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1. Admit You Were Wrong
If the reason for falling out with your best friend is something that you said or did, be honest and admit that it was your fault. Apologise to them. We often find it difficult to say sorry, but a sincere apology should be accepted. If it isn't, either you messed up big time, or the friendship wasn't as deep as you thought it was.
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Owning up to your mistakes not only shows maturity, it also signals to your friend that their feelings matter to you. Honesty is paramount in mending fences, and the act of apologizing can be the first step towards rebuilding trust. Taking responsibility for our actions can feel daunting, but it demonstrates strength of character and offers an opportunity for growth. Remember, everyone errs at times, and offering a heartfelt apology is a testament to valuing the friendship over your ego.
2. Don't Wait
The longer you wait to try to smooth things over, the greater the risk that you'll stay mad at each other. Don't leave it too long. And call your friend rather than send a message. The written word can easily be misunderstood and lacks the tone and emotion of the voice.
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Acting swiftly is key to mending fences. The longer a disagreement festers, the more it can erode the foundation of your friendship. Picking up the phone and hearing each other's voices allows for nuances that can help prevent further misunderstandings. It conveys sincerity and shows that you're willing to invest the time and emotional energy to repair the bond. Apologizing or discussing the issue over the phone can lead to a more heartfelt conversation and a quicker resolution.
Frequently asked questions
It's tough, isn't it? First, give yourself a little time to cool down. Then, try to see things from their perspective. An open and honest conversation can sometimes be the best way forward.
Not at all! Friendships can go through rough patches and come back stronger. It depends on both of you wanting to make things right and if you're willing to talk it through.
Drop them a message or call them up. Maybe say something like, 'I've been thinking about what happened and I'd love to chat if you're ready.' It's a good start!
That hurts, but it's important to respect their space. Give them some time and maybe try reaching out again later. It's possible they're just not ready yet.
Sometimes a short break can help both of you process your feelings. Just make sure to communicate that it's temporary and not a total end to the friendship.
3. Talk Honestly
If you're such good friends, you should be able to talk completely honestly with each other. If there's a genuine problem that caused the falling out, discuss it and try to reach a solution. So if you're upset that she has no time for you since she started dating her new boyfriend, you should try to understand each other's point of view, and look for a way to both be happy.
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Being honest doesn't mean you have to be harsh or critical; rather, approach the conversation from a place of vulnerability and concern. It's about opening up and saying, "I miss our time together," instead of accusing or placing blame. By expressing your feelings without negativity, you create an environment where she can share her perspective too. Keep the dialogue positive and solution-oriented, focusing on how to nurture your friendship despite new circumstances. Essential is the balance between expressing your needs and being receptive to the changes in your friend's life. Remember, a strong friendship can weather periods of adjustment if both parties are truthful and compassionate.
4. Don't Use Intermediaries
After falling out with your friend, you should talk to her yourself. Don't ask another friend to intervene; you need to solve the problem directly. Trying to use an intermediary makes it seem as though you don't have the courage to deal with issues yourself, or that it doesn't matter enough for you to make the effort.
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Moreover, involving a third party can sometimes complicate the situation, as messages can get lost or altered in translation. Having a heart-to-heart allows for clear communication and provides a space for both of you to express your feelings without outside influence. Face-to-face conversations can be tough, but they often lead to genuine resolutions and understanding. Remember, the goal is to mend the friendship, not to create a web of misunderstandings. So take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and reach out to your friend directly. Your initiative demonstrates that you value the friendship and are willing to work towards healing it.
5. Tell Them You Care
Whatever's caused the disagreement, your friend may think that you don't care about them any more. So tell them that isn't the case, and tell them how much you value the friendship. Once close friendships have fractured over seemingly trivial reasons, so don't let that happen in your case. Your friend may need to know how much you love them.
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Expressing your feelings can profoundly impact your troubled friendship. Remind your companion of the cherished memories you've shared and acknowledge that while conflicts may arise, they don't diminish the bond you have. Honest, heartfelt communication can often bridge the gap of misunderstanding. Reassure them with examples of moments that exemplify the strength and resilience of your friendship. It's these reassurances and shared memories that remind both parties why the friendship is worth mending. Remember, actions often speak louder than words, so follow through with behavior that underscores your message—you genuinely care.
6. Be Civil
Arguments with close friends can be pretty brutal, especially among teenage girls. But even if you are angry, try to be civil when you see your friend. Above all, don't bitch about her behind her back. She may well hear about it, and then you'll stand no chance of regaining the friendship. You'll also look like a nasty gossip or someone who's trying to manipulate people into taking sides.
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Maintaining civility serves as a sign of maturity and respect, even when tempers flare. Look for common ground or agree to have a respectful discussion when both of you have cooled down. Remember, it's not just about being right; it's about valuing the relationship. By taking the high road, you set a positive tone for possible reconciliation. Talk things out, if you can, and consider apologizing first, even if you believe you're not entirely at fault. Apologies can go a long way in mending bridges, showing that you care more about your friend than winning an argument.
7. Expiry Date
In the worst cases, it may be that the friendship has run its course, however close you once were. Someone may have been your best friend in your teens or twenties, but as your lives change so can your friendships. Once you have children you may no longer have much in common with your party-loving best friend. Some friendships survive these changes; others don't.
Most arguments and disagreements with your best friend are repairable. If they really are your best friend, then both of you will want to put things right. Sometimes this means you have to make the first move. Have you ever fallen out with a friend over something silly?
Comments
Monica: I remember in kindergarten, I went to my bestfriends birthday party and we were playing in those mini play houses and i wanted to go in but she kept hogging it and I got mad. Never talked to her again since.
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