You’re about to enter a stage of your life that’s radically different from the past 18 years or so. If you are moving out for college rather than commuting, you need to discuss these important issues with your parents before you leave. Some topics may be difficult or awkward to talk about, but in the end you’ll be thankful for having these conversations.
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1. Money
Arguably the most pressing issue to discuss with your parents before leaving for college is money! Will you continue/start to receive allowance while you’re away? Or are you expected to find a job as soon as possible to support yourself? If they took out loans, you should talk to them about that, too. Do they expect you to pay them back? If so, when? There’s a lot to consider with all of this, so make sure you get it all sorted out as soon as possible.
2. Drinking
Drinking can be a huge part of the college experience. Or it can’t be. Really, it’s up to you, the friends you make, and the places you spend your weekend nights. So before you enter college, you should discuss with your parents what expectations they have for you, as well as tips for safe, smart drinking if you’re unfamiliar with alcohol.
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3. Birth Control
Like drinking, sex can either be a big part of college, or not at all. It really depends on you and your thoughts about “hookup culture”. Regardless of what you think you will or won’t do now, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Ask your parents any awkward questions you have about safe sex and pregnancy prevention. If you are afraid that your parents will react horribly to your questions, ask a doctor or other trusted adult, like an aunt or former teacher, for advice.
4. Visitation Rights
Not to make you sound like a prisoner, but visitation rights are something to discuss before leaving for college. Questions to put on the table are: How often will you come home? Will they visit you? Are they tech-savvy enough to figure out Skype? Or will you kick it old school and become pen pals? Believe it or not, you will miss your parents, and they’ll definitely miss you, so inform each other of visitation rights sooner rather than later.
5. Plan B
No, not the “morning after pill”, you can discuss that with number 3. But there’s another Plan B you need to consider. Say college doesn’t work out, which it doesn’t for everyone. Can you take time off and come home? Or will your parents simply encourage you to attend a commuter school or community college? Worse yet, will they expect you to move out, get a job, and support yourself financially? Before you leave, figure out Plan B with your parents so that you’re prepared for the worst case scenario.
6. Studying Abroad
If you’re like me, the most exciting prospect of starting college is the option to study abroad! But there’s more to studying abroad than picking a spot on a map and packing your bags. First, figure out if your parents are okay with you moving to another country for a semester—this is especially important if they’re paying for your tuition, because then their opinion has more weight. If they are fine with you studying abroad, then now you need to figure out how you’ll get there—or rather, who will pay for you to get there! Will they pay? Do you need to get a job and start saving? Or can you go halfsies? You’ll never know until you talk about it.
7. Aged Wisdom
Lastly, there are things that I can’t include on this list simply because I don’t have a parent’s perspective or wisdom yet. So my advice is just sit down and let your parents talk to you. Encourage them to open up about their young adult years and share their wealth of wisdom before you leave.
Your parents are a great resource for advice throughout your life, especially during transitions. I hope you and your parents both open up while having these important conversations! What other topics are worth discussing before you leave for college?
Comments
Alyx: American schools are very weird to me. Here in Canada it's so different. You're 18 when you finish high school, and the legal drinking age is 18/19. It's also not nearly as expensive, I can go to university (for science/medicine/art) for like 4 grand a year. Or a can go to college (everything else) for like 1-6 grand a year. My best friend just finished her registered nursing program, 4 years and only paid 16 grand total, and dormed there. But unless you live with your parents, they have no right to control your decisions, there's no need for them to pay, student loans are easy to get, and some schools give their students a monthly payment for while theyre in school. Not dormers though. But I got paid while living with a few friends, while finishing my last 3 years of uni, it was only 500$ a month, but it covered my rent in a big place near the school, and gave me spending money. I think half these things are only dependent on if the parents pay. But it's their judgement on If their kid is ready for school. If they're not, they'll party, skip class, waste time etc. If that's the case, maybe make them wait a year or two and let them mature and get their party mode over. If they can go out on weekends and study on weekdays or know how to balance then all is fine. I went to 2-4 parties a week, we even hosted quite a few, but I still got great grades and could get to class. But my parents wouldn't have been able to control my partying or my dorm life (I did for a semester but I wanted to bring my pets from home and couldn't so I moved). If I had partied and flunked out, then I would have had a couple thousand dollars in debt. But that's it. I cleared more than 80% of my debt working part time a couple days a week during school and working 4 days a week in the summer at a retail store. It baffles me how much the states schooling costs.
Suzi: I believe not all kids should dorm. Some kids can responsibly others can't. Maybe that means living at home and then letting them dorm later on or not at all. Some kids can't handle NO rules. So parents need to really think about their kid and decide. At the end of the day it's about getting an education & then supporting yourself and getting your own place then have fun. Kids think college should be party central. Well unless your me loaded and/ or can focus get good grades and party it's tough to make it work.
Wendy: My nanes wendy
Suzi: I wanted to dorm my dad said no pick one of your other acceptances. I did and looking back best thing for me. I wanted to party (dance) & hang out have fun. Hard to do in my profession bcz it's a very challenging profession. Well dad was right. I graduated ( still went out and partied ) but with curfew and rules. Well after grad got a great job making tons of $ and living life now!!! Worth it. My bff who formed not so much:(
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